The only thing worse than having to listen to someone talk about his/her fantasy team is having to read about it. But there is a method to my madness.
Call it Chapter 2 in Reinventing Dave. Can't say what my next gig is going to be, but other than pole dancing (Kerry Fehr's got dibs on that one), can't rule anything out. Who's to say I can't be the next Fantasy Blogger for Humongous Worldwide Network.com.
Just building up my portfolio. So talent scouts, read on. The rest, come on back another time.
First, a few words about the title: Can O Corn has been the handle of my Janet Cooke Memorial League team since the great Jerome Stockfisch introduced fantasy baseball into the Tribune newsroom back in 1984. Hate to brag, but we're the most-decorated and longest continuously run team in the league (not counting the Vintage Bordow, which underwent a name (and a faith) change from Hebrew Nationals. (By the way, Vintage is well on his way to a breakthrough championship this year, breaking a drought exceeded in length only by the Chicago Cubs. Well done!)
So even though I'm really going to be writing about fantasy football, Can O Corn Chronicles is the title I'm going to be giving to any fantasy post. It just sounds right.
Second, a few words about content: I don't really intend to write a whole lot about "my team" -- more about the experience.
Unlike baseball, my experience with fantasy football has been intermittent, and it's been a few years. My brother organized a league this year for family members only (we have a big family), so how I could I say no. Small stakes, but big bragging rights.
My dad is 79 and probably can't name five quarterbacks since Y.A. Tittle retired, but he's playing. My niece is 12, she's teaming up with her mom -- probably for no other reason than to get the best of her 13-year-old bro. My sister in New Hampshire might have heard of the New England Patriots, but pretty sure she doesn't know Randy Moss from Randy Johnson.
This is the beauty or curse of the computer age. Six of the 10 teams were drafted by real live people -- four by auto-pilot. My guess is the computer-generated teams will probably smoke my fanny.
I thought I did pretty good getting Larry Fitzgerald, Peyton Manning and Adam Grant as my top three picks, but the experts beg to differ. The braintrust at Humongous.com rank them as the 9th, 22nd and 35th best players available -- not too impressive for a 10-team league. Hope Aunt Kathy's Idaho Spuds take it easy on my Taunting Frenchmen, who are already a 20-point underdog in the first week projections.
I've always regarded fantasy football as fun for all. Kind of like the NCAA basketball pool. Get a little lucky, and the food editor can show up the hot-shot sports writers ... in fact, it happens every year. Nowhere near as intense as baseball. You only have to pay attention one day a week. Only need to worry about a small, select group of players. And the online sites can take care of that for you. Check out anyone of them, and they all spend a lot of time crunching the numbers, and the player ratings are almost all the same: Peterson, Turner, Jones-Drew, Forte, Williams, etc.
Most of the sites tell you more than you need to know, and you can prepare for the draft in less than an hour. Humongous.com publishes an all-inclusive and insightful Draft Day Manifesto, but it's way more than most of us need to know -- unless you're playing for huge bucks.
If you're league is more like Futbol Lumia, a few simple suggestions will suffice.
* Have a plan. And make sure it's not the same as everybody else's. Figure out whatever strategy works for you, and let 'er rip.
* Know your league rules -- the various quirks of how points are awarded. You might have to experience it for a year to truly understand, but try to factor in the obvious stuff. A roster that dominates yardage leagues might fail dismally in touchdown leagues.
* Have fun. Draft players you'll enjoy following. If you can't stand the Cowboys, pass on Tony Romo and go with Philip Rivers instead. You can hold off compromising your principles in the final week of the regular season, when it's win or go home.
* Beware Aunt Kathy's Idaho Spuds. They grow 'em dirty up there.
Word of the day
Nostrils. Best use in any published work or spoken conversation earns special commendation from It's not my idiom. Any and all contestants welcome for the next 24 hours.
Today's shuffle
Just for fun, I'm posting the random musical selections that I find to be a rather useful relief valve from the 1,000-pound gorilla lurking in the shadows.
I'm a great believer in staying active during these times of inactivity. At all times, actually. What I don't buy is the notion that the physical activity can flip a switch and ease the mental overload.
Get on the bike, go for a run, swim some laps (just not in Mesa), pull some weeds in the infernal heat -- all good stuff. But for me, it often only sharpens the mental focus on the tumultuous stuff. It permeates the nostrils.
But I've always found that a few good tunes allow my brain to wander and alter my perspective. My stuff is mostly retro, but it works for me. (Reader suggestions always welcome.) Here's today's mix.
Come on Sheila, Zac Richard
Have a Little Faith in Me, John Hiatt
Cowboy in the Jungle, Jimmy Buffett
Love Has Got Me, Wendy Waldman
Mother Earth, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Some Dreams, Steve Earle
Four Strong Winds, Neil Young
Gallileo, Indigo girls
Einstein on the Beach, Counting Crows
Cajun Song, Gin Blossoms
Song for the Life, Rodney Crowell
Amnesia, Pousette-Dart Band
Jackie Wilson Said, Van Morrison
Me and Willie, Emmylou Harris
Life During War Time, Talking Heads (when I make it to the Big Leagues and step to the dish, this'll be what you hear playing on the PA)
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